No One Ever Sees The Tears Behind the Smile
by Kaylie-chan
Summary: AU -- its a little depressing and its a one-shot! Hitomi's not as happy as she would like everyone to think


Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne, only thing I own is this lil fanfic rite here…other than that --- it aint mines….lol

Kaylie-chan: Okay everyone, this fic is sad, depressing and a one-shot. Just an FYI --- I haven't written in a few years so tell me wat ya'll think!!! ^_^

….and she stood with the knife in her hand, looking at her face in the mirror. She wasn't the girl she was three years ago. She was once full of life and happy all the time, now, she's always stressed, always pretending to be happy, always being everything for everyone except for herself. She has forgotten who was. She looked in her mirror, her once beautifully long hair, so smooth and silky, now clinging to her face, for she had just ran through the rain from work and class to get home.

She looked at the knife in her hand, thinking. Who would notice if she left? Who would really care? People would forget about who she was in a few days, and those that said that they loved her, they would forget in a few weeks, months if they truly cared. Humanity is fleeting, and love is temperamental. This was not the person that she was years ago, and yet, this is who she had become.

She always thought that she could handle everything, and look at her, the last person anyone would expect, standing here in front of her bathroom mirror contemplating something that she always thought was a cheap cop-out.

Her name was Hitomi Kanzaki, honors student, soon to be college graduate with a lot of promising career opportunities, or so that was the story on paper. Truth be told, she was Hitomi, she had plenty of friends, and plenty of classes, she was from a low income neighborhood, she was just recently dumped by her boyfriend and the love of her life considered her his bestfriend, her grades were starting to fall, she couldn't afford to stay in school, and she didn't have a job because of the stupid fucking economy. But, this was not the Hitomi that she portrayed to others, no, that Hitomi was happy, carefree, and not letting anyone or anything stop her from achieving her goals. She stared into the mirror and muttered,

"It's funny; nobody ever sees the tears of the clown"

She sighed and laughed at her little joke. She was tired, tired of failing, tired of trying and it never working, she calmly took the necklace from around her neck and put it next to the note lying on the bathroom sink. This would be the easiest thing for everyone; her parents had told her that on more than one occasion, especially after her little brother died. Her parents always told her she was worthless and that she would never be anything and that it should have been her that died not her brother, not Mamoru. She agreed, wholeheartedly. She sat down in the bathtub, her crime scene investigations class said that it would be best for everyone if she did it in there because the cleanup wouldn't be hard to do. Not that anyone would even notice that she had died, at least, not for a few days, anyway. She looked at the knife in her now shaking left hand. She inhaled a breath, steadied herself mentally and physically, and spoke into the quietness of her bathroom,

"In the words of Juliet ….oh happy dagger!"

…and she thrust the knife into her heart and watched as the water ran into the bathtub and it turn a sickening pink then red…her eyes closed softly and let herself sink into the darkness that was death.

Laying on the sink, with the pendant that she held so dear, read a note,

_I'm sorry. This is best for everyone…I could only pretend to be happy for so long. Now I am no longer a burden on anyone or anything. To Yukari, Amano loves you, pursue him. To Mom and Dad, now you have your wish, and to Van…I love you, for all eternity, sorry I never told you, be happy with Merle. And to Mamoru my dear brother, I am coming to see you soon._

_Love always,_

_Hitomi K._

And that was the letter and scene that welcomed her roommate, Van when he came home. After he read the letter, he wept by her dead body silently and he whispered the words that Hitomi had longed to hear for her whole life

"…I'll always love you Hitomi…always."

Kaylie-chan: This is my first one-shot with Escaflowne characters! Hope you guys liked it --- sorry it was all sad n stuff ….


End file.
